I admit that I failed as a mother but my love for Rose should never be questioned. My baby, she would have been the star and on every billboard if not for this. That is how talented she is. With her health reports and diary in my hand, my heart skips a beat. What went wrong? What should have been done? Reading this diary has to be the most difficult thing for me right now. But I must.
“…Rach was an amazing person. As far as I know, she was the exact opposite of me but we got along really well. Maybe that is why our bond was the strongest even in the hardest of times. I loved writing and she hated writing. I would pour out all my heart onto paper and she would just toss it into the bin. Birthdays were tough. She was more of a people’s person and enjoyed partying and camps. The most extroverted person you can find in town. This one time when we were going carolling, she just asked her crush out when we passed by his house. You see, that’s what I say when Rach is quite the opposite of me. I have had only one crush and that too from grade 10 and I can barely wave to him; let alone ask him out.
We recently moved back to Granny’s house. She passed away a few months ago and the house felt so empty that Rach and I decided to move in. It is a beautiful house, trust me. No one would want to let that house slip away from their hands. The library and the garden were my favourite spots. And Rachel, being Rachel, loved the orchard and the pool. Swimming pools are my worst nightmare while Rach just would jump into anything that would even slightly resemble a pool. God, I envy her. If it was not for my fear of water, I would have beaten her long back.
The only thing we had in common was our love for horror stories. She always called herself a spirit and I would pretend to tag along. Halloween’s was our favourite time of the year and we loved to dress up no matter how old we grew. Maybe that’s how people started calling us names. Well, when I was with Rach, nobody dared to call us anything…”
“…I haven't slept in nights, creativity doesn't just flow. Twenty chapters to go. Oh! Did I just completely forget to tell you how I was going to be a published author in freaking three months? Yes! I just received a call from my mentor and they liked my book and wants the edits done and we are good to go for publishing! Next time I would be writing, you would be meeting the newly published author of NP… ”
“…I haven’t written about this before but I think I should write about it now. When I was conceived, I wasn’t alone. I had a twin sister. But she didn’t survive. So she was absorbed into me and that makes me a chimera. NO!, Not the fire breathing greek monster, but one who has two sets of DNA. I used to think that made me cool. But having a sister would have been fun. Rachel thought of this chimera story as made-up and nonsensical. I wasn't planning on confronting my mother again. What was I to say…”
“…Mom has been behaving strangely again. The last time that happened she shifted me from my old school. I had another friend named Rachel back then. At least that’s how I remember it. But my mom says she was just a fragment of my imagination. I still have my doubts. Now she thinks my new friend Rachel is imaginary too. Can you imagine? She dragged me to the psychiatrist because she thought I had gone Cuckoo. The psychiatrist clearly declared that I was normal when she personally met Rachel. I can’t be blamed for the people in my life being named Rachel. Although it is a weird coincidence…”
“…It has been over a month now, I haven’t seen or heard from her since the accident. We have been together for all our lives and now she just decides to disappear. Police say that it doesn’t even seem like someone was there with me. They even had the audacity to call me delusional. Delusional, my foot! This is not done, Rach. You made these people call me delusional. Just come and tell them you are real and not one of my imaginary characters. We were practically like twins. How dare you just run away…”
“…I have been visiting my psychiatrist. Yes, now I have a psychiatrist of my own because everybody thinks that accident messed up my brains. Well, I haven’t been feeling great either so I didn’t deny visiting him. Life is funny sometimes, all I wanted was to stay happy with my friend and all of this happens. It has been three months now and still no clue of her…”
“…My mom seems to be at the edge. She is consistently worried about me. And for some reason, she thinks Rachel was gone for my own good. She wasn’t quite fond of her either. I don’t know what was there to dislike about her. Probably because I was the only company my mom ever had. I never asked about my dad and she never told me either. Guess, it was something not so pleasant. It was all good until she started being paranoid and over possessive. She was totally cool with me having guy friends. But she could not stand Rachel for some reason…”
“…I have been meeting with my doctor twice a week now. The nightmares are turning worse. It is always the same. The accident, Rachel drenching in blood screaming for help and my eyes slowly drifting away. The nightmares coupled with panic attacks have been throwing me off my schedule. My book was nearing completion before the accident. If that damn accident hadn’t happened, I would have been happy with Rachel and my published book…”
I have been wrong. Quite wrong. This diary is like chewing stones. I can't read a line more. Rose doubted the chimera story. She was the one who found out that she had a twin sister and the chimera story was the best I could make up at that time. Maybe I should have planned something better or maybe should have done something better with her sister Rachel and all the Rachels that decided to just show up in our lives. It is not like I had a choice. I chose Rose. Bringing up a disabled child would have not worked anyway. So Rachel should have just been happy about it and not come back haunting me as Rose’s friends. I can’t lose Rose. What if she gets to know that her nightmares were not nightmares but what actually happened? What if she gets to know I did all this? What if she hates me? What If…
“Hi Ma’am, I am Rachel. I will be your daughter Rose’s doctor starting today. If you can sign these papers, we can start right away. Ma’am? Is everything alright?”
Another Rachel, this can’t be happening.
Comments