As a person who is obsessed with pretty mirrors all shapes and sizes (Heck, I'm even doing a social media post for one of my clients soon), I have trouble looking at myself in the eye in the mirror. It was barely noticeable in the beginning, so I brushed it aside. A recent series of music video from my favourite singers had these sequences in them where they would stare at the mirror trying to understand themselves. This made me think more and that's never a great thing. Even an unintentional eye contact would make emotions bubble within me ---- a sheer sense of vulnerability. Sometimes it would make me tear up even when I'm in the happiest of settings. A sense of guilt creeps through and I feel like I'm not doing justice to myself. A feeling of having wronged myself.
So like any other normal human being, I put up ChatGPT to do a little research on this for me. And boy did it surprise me. This is what it said;
Tearing up or becoming emotional when making eye contact with yourself in the mirror is not uncommon, and there could be a few reasons for this:
Self-reflection: Looking at yourself in the mirror can sometimes trigger feelings of self-reflection, causing you to think about your life experiences, emotions, and relationships. This can sometimes bring up emotions that you may not have been aware of or may have been suppressing.
Vulnerability: Making eye contact with yourself in the mirror can make you feel vulnerable or exposed, which can also bring up emotions.
Emotional connection: When you make eye contact with someone, including yourself, it can create an emotional connection. This connection can lead to feelings of empathy, compassion, or even love, which can trigger an emotional response.
Past experiences: Your emotional response may also be linked to past experiences that have influenced your self-image or your relationship with others.
It's essential to remember that emotions are a natural and healthy part of the human experience.
The conclusion was the best part for me. How it feels so humane despite being a bot amazes me. Often times I have found myself feeling like I'm wearing a mask when I'm with other people and when I look at myself in the mirror and hold an eye contact, this mask begins to shatter. This is where I'm leading to next. The Japanese theory of having multiple masks or personas.
Music Video : Blood, Sweat & Tears by BTS
We behave differently when with different people. Like the layers of an onion, we don and shed various layers as we let in people to our inner circles. This is a very fascinating and intriguing theory which tries to explain the complexity of a human being. As an ambivert, I feel this concept to its depths. There have been times when I totally run out of my social battery and am not able to enjoy my time. And there have been times when I feel like I have been trapped with myself for too long.
Anyways, where was I ? Yes, Mirrors.
The scene from the music video I talked about (Like Crazy By Jimin ---- totally amazing!), the main protagonist looks at himself in the mirror and asks why he is a different person from his reflection. I think this what ChatGPT meant by saying suppressing your emotions for too long. When we do not let ourselves feel things, we end up donning heavy masks that are bound to shatter one day. You did not get into your dream college? Cry and feel the emotions. You do not get to attend your friend's wedding? Cry and let out all those emotions. You did not find a suitable house after you had moved into a new city with nowhere to go? Let it all out. Curse all you want. I'm saying this because I learnt it the hard way and it seems that I need to be honest with myself more. I have been keeping secrets from myself that I feel guilty about making eye contact with my own reflection. How messed up is that? You are the one you should love and know the most and yet here we are.
Like Crazy By Jimin
The second video I have been talking about is a clip from People Pt 2 by the very amazing Agust D and IU. In this clip the lyrics go as 'you have gone so far, so far away' which again is an extension of the previous line of thought. You have played a part for so long that your inner self seems like a stranger.
사람 (People) Pt.2 (feat. 아이유 - IU) by Agust D
Writing about this has definitely stirred up the hornet nest of emotions within me. But as annoying as it feels, I think this is important. In fact, essential. So I want each one of you who has read so far (even my 2 regular readers!) to look into a mirror, hold eye contact, and ask a simple question:
How have you been?
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